The Free Massage Fallout

Why cutting corners feels good at first - until your ops unravel like George on the massage table

Author

R.J. A.
July 31, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes

Table of Contents

"No, no. It wasn’t a shift. I’ve shifted. This was a move." - George

tl;dr

When shortcuts seem too good to be true, they usually are. Free massages, fake notes, and a lawsuit later — it all comes crashing down. The same goes for business: if you’re faking the foundation, expect fallout.

Previously on Seinfeld

In The Note (S3, E01), Jerry ropes George and Elaine into a massage scam (free therapy) courtesy of a fake “medical necessity” note from Roy the dentist. Roy’s just handing them out like Halloween candy.

George ends up with a male masseur and immediately spirals into a full-blown identity crisis. Elaine doubles up her excuse with her gynecologist, triggering (surprise!) an insurance investigation.

Meanwhile, Kramer insists he spotted Joe DiMaggio at Dinky Donuts. Nobody believes him… until the Yankee Clipper shows up, dunking like it’s Game 7, unbothered by Kramer’s yelps and bangs.

The shortcut? Exposed. The scam? Busted. The note? Absolutely not worth it.

Yada Yada Insight

In business, as in massages, everyone wants the perks without the paperwork.

Jerry gets Roy the dentist to write fake medical notes for free massages. Elaine jumps in. George signs up. What could go wrong? Oh, just an insurance investigation, a ruined reputation, and George questioning his entire identity while face-down on a massage table.

The shortcut worked until it didn’t.

Founders pull these stunts all the time. Calling a friend a “strategic advisor” when they’re really just a favor - or worse, Friends with Deliverables. Stamping a spreadsheet with CFO-level confidence when nobody’s actually watching the numbers. Building around hacks instead of process.

It’s not about rules for rules’ sake. It’s about building something that doesn’t collapse the second someone says, “Hey, can I see that?”

George knew something was off the moment the masseur touched his back. Jerry couldn’t look that kid in the eye. And Roy? He’s one “routine audit” away from losing his license.

Shortcuts create shakiness. Systems create scale.

Scrappy? Good. Sloppy? Not so much. If you want clean operations, don’t start with a forged note.

Unlocking the Vault

The “No Fake Notes” Playbook

Shortcuts are seductive. Especially when things are scrappy, messy, and growing fast. But that “free massage” moment? It never stays free for long. Here’s how to protect your ops (and your dignity):

1. If you wouldn’t say it in due diligence, don’t do it now.

If your explanation starts with “Well, technically…” - you’re already on thin ice.

2. Don’t confuse trust with qualification.

Just because they’re your friend, cousin, or old roommate doesn’t mean they should touch payroll, equity, or your P&L. (See also: what happens when closeness clouds judgment.)

3. Massage the numbers, lose the plot.

Fudging roles, revenue, or readiness always catches up. If it feels fake, it probably is.

4. Build it like someone’s watching… because someone eventually will.

Investors, acquirers, even the IRS. Set it up like you’re already under review.

5. Be DiMaggio.

Stay focused. Don’t flinch. Dunk your donut. Let the chaos bounce off you like Kramer in a donut shop.

Audit-proof doesn’t mean boring - it means you’ll still be standing when the clipboard comes out.

Still writing fake notes to yourself?

If you’re running a business on hope, hacks, or half-truths - I can help you clean it up and scale it right.

No note required.

Meme of the Week

That moment you sense the audit coming.👇

Let’s Catch Up at Monk’s

🛠️ Don’t Let Kramer Pick Your Vendors - How one bad installer ruined everything, and what it means for choosing the right partners.

👯‍♂️ Friends With Deliverables - When working with friends gets fuzzy, your ops pay the price. Here’s how to keep it clean.

🧽 The Statue Strategy - You may not notice the swap right away but someone always does. Watch your handoffs.

💸 Want $500 from Ramp? Use this link — no yada yada.

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